My ex was always on my nerves when she started a tantrum. This always happens when she suspects that I am hiding things from her. How I stayed with her for three years was a mystery because there is no day that we won’t argue.
My ex was an intelligent person, but she always overthought. She suspects my moves and always thinks any female called is my lover. I always found myself defending myself against all her imaginations, but it came to a time when I couldn’t cope.
If you have been in my shoes or have heard something similar and want to learn what to do when you are dating an overthinker, read on.
Understanding the Overthinking Mindset
Overthinking is a habit known as rumination, where a person imagines things repeatedly. This act tends to confuse an individual’s life and mental health. You can overthink by either, worrying about the future of the past.
People who are prone to overthinking exhibit certain traits, which include:
- Insomnia
- Fatigue
- Stress
- Digestive problems
- Irritative behavior
- Been tensive
Aside from the above-mentioned, overthinkers also experience anxiety and low self-esteem. Some of these people are fearful that what they experienced before might happen again and tend to be pensive.
However, it’s not all doom with an overthinker, because these people are highly diligent. They are known to have a retentive memory and are brilliant. Overthinkers are very careful and aren’t rational people; they hardly make mistakes.
Recognising Overthinking Patterns
Identifying overthinkers isn’t difficult when you know what to look for. There are some specific patterns to identify these people.
Overthinkers love to overanalyze every situation and every move they make. There are always doubts about your actions and inactions.
Also, it’s hard for an overthinker to take a joke lightly. They are usually upset over a comment or casual joke.
These people are jealous, so avoid taking them for granted. They don’t like rivals or want someone else close to them. Avoid flirting with people unknown to them, as they might take it the wrong way.
Communication Strategies
According to relationship experts and professionals, communication can help you when you have an overthinking partner.
When you pay attention to what your spouse is saying and listen, you will understand how they feel. When this is done thoughtfully, there will be fewer clashes because both of you will understand yourselves. Always learn to listen to understand rather than to respond.
Another communication strategy that can help you with an overthinker is to validate their thoughts and emotions. Try to respond to their feelings and repeat what they say.
Furthermore, ensure you ask questions regularly to dispel all assumptions. People have different perceptions of life; therefore, they might get you wrong. Opinions might differ on certain issues; it’s best to always be clear.
Finally, never, in any situation, raise your voice when talking with your partner. This is a red flag and shows a lack of respect for them.
Encouraging Mindfulness and Relaxation
Overthinkers will gain a lot from mindful exercises because they stabilize their minds. This process helps stop certain negative thoughts. When you practice mindfulness and relaxation, you will stop exhibiting negative thoughts. Some categories of these mindful exercises include:
- The five-sense exercise
- Deep Breathing
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Yoga
- Medication
- Distraction
- Social interaction
- Any physical activity
- Taking action
The above mindfulness exercises will help overthinkers in their relationships. They will also help them to reduce stress and relax better.
Setting Boundaries
Another thing to do when you are dating an overthinker is to set boundaries. Here are some ways to set boundaries when you are in a relationship with an overthinker:
Protect Your Emotional Space
When you find yourself with an overthinker, ensure you draw the line between how you feel. Don’t let yourself be hurt or disturbed. Ensure that you guard yourself against any form of emotional manipulation.
Protect Your Physical Space
Although this might be difficult for many people, you should try to create non-sexual boundaries with an overthinker. Even when you work together, try to stay far away from one another if possible.
Separate Your Feelings From Others
While it’s a good gesture to help people, when you ignore your feelings for others, you will be hurt. Try to set healthy boundaries that define what can help your well-being.
Protecting Your Time
Time is invaluable; therefore, when you are trying to set boundaries, ensure you guard your time. Spend more time on what you value and what makes you happy. This is better than wasting time on what other people love.
Don’t Lose Your Sense of Identity
Avoid losing yourself because of an overthinker. Some people try to help others and please others instead of looking after themselves. Be true to your identity, ensure you know who you are, and never deviate from it for any reason.
Building Trust and Reassurances
It’s important to always build trust in relationships, especially with an overthinker. Here are ways to reassure your partner and build trust with an overthinker:
Improve on Your Mistakes
One major step to building trust is to be transparent and learn from your mistakes. When you hurt your partner, ensure you take correction and never repeat it. Own up to your actions and be a better person for your partner.
Be More Communicative
If you want to be trusted, ensure that you communicate better with your opponent. Secrecy breeds distrust; it’s in your interests to always be open to your partner. This avenue makes it easier to discuss problems and iron out differences.
Show Appreciation
If you don’t want to enable overthinking, you should always appreciate your partner. Say good things to them, and always say thank you. It makes them feel loved and happy. Appreciation displaces overthinking and fosters better relationships.
Seeking Professional Help If Needed
If you think you need help, seeking the help of a counselor or therapist is a good decision. These people are trained and experienced, so they will be able to offer better guidance than others.
If you are seeking a professional, you can contact the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy for advice. They have qualified people who can help you deal with overthinkers.
Another avenue to use is to talk to your insurance company for a list of reliable counselors. These agencies have a good number of trained therapists.
You could also look for a university close to your house. Higher education institutions also have qualified psychologists and counselors who can help you.
Be plain with a therapist and tell them your fears. You should try to go to this profession alone, without your partner. This helps provide more professional advice. Later, you can also convince your partner to visit them.
Conclusion
Overthinking is a habit that has caused the downfall of many relationships. While overthinkers have so many positive traits, they cause much harm to their partners.
Overthinking is caused by stress, anxiety, sleeping disorders, and other health conditions. However, for a relationship to succeed with overthinkers, you should set boundaries and see a professional.
I would love to hear about your experience with an overthinker and how you were able to survive. You can keep your name anonymous if needed; just let’s learn from your experience in the comment section.
