The truth is we sometimes find love in the most unlikely places and people. We fall in love with people of divergent religions, beliefs, creeds, backgrounds, and even races. And in this case, it’s a conservative boyfriend and we all know how conservative it can get with these amazing and unique people.
But there’s always some beauty in diversity and wouldn’t it be boring if everyone just believes in the same thing? I bet it would. Relationships are sometimes there to teach us tolerance and offer fresh perspectives into some areas of life. Having a conservative boyfriend is quite a unique relationship and could be a blessing in disguise if you both understand and respect your varying roots.
Dealing with a conservative boyfriend is anything but easy. However, you are here and this article will guide you on how to lead a healthy relationship with a conservative partner.
Let’s start with the basics.
The Landscape of Conservative Values
When you hear conservatives, the first thought that comes to mind is stiff-neckedness, unwilling to change, archaic, and may be for some, downright annoying. All these are true. But beyond how you see and think about them, conservatives are truly an indispensable crop of individuals in our society today.
They play a critical role in preserving the values and norms handed to us by generations, which are not entirely awful. Infact, those beliefs and norms are the foundations of our modern world. The conservatives won’t trade preexisting cultural, religious and political norms for any trend. If they however subscribe to it, there’s a hidden agenda in that trend to promote their conservative campaigns. Unfortunately, these beliefs, regardless of their origin, have ripple effect every aspect of their lives, relationship inclusive.
So, a conservative may decide never to party or listen to a certain genre of song because it violates some pre-existing religious or social rules, and this will affect friends. However, it calls for understanding when you’re on the other side of the divide, and not outright judgment.
In a relationship like this, keep an open mind and be willing to understand where your partner is coming from. Love is the cord that binds you both across political and religious borders and frankly, your boyfriend may also have to put up with your liberalism if you’re one.
Also Read: Why does My Partner Sleep on the Couch Every Night
Strategies for a Successful Relationship with a Conservative Boyfriend
Communication
No relationship survives without consistent and reasonable communication. It’s the soul of every relationship and any two individuals regardless of their backgrounds, can work things out with strategic communications. But communication in itself isn’t as paramount as the manner of communicating.
Empathy, mirroring, understanding, respect for beliefs, and soft tones are seasoned ingredients to be used sufficiently while communicating. You and your partner have successfully surmounted the main hurdle – your political divides, to fall in love and have a relationship. That’s a victory, and communication is what will sustain that victory, which is why it should be done strategically.
Talk things out with your partner and beyond talking, also listen to them with rapt attention. If your partner feels that you’re not as committed as he is to your ideas, he won’t listen to you. So listen attentively and show empathy.
You can never use these clauses enough when communicating:
“I understand where you’re coming from”
“Yeah right? I can only imagine”
“I would do the same if I was in your shoes”
“I feel your pain on this”
When you use these clauses freely, there will be no judgments, no victor, and no vanquish. It’s all fairness and love reigning supreme.
Finding a Common Ground
You both could be coming from different backgrounds but can find a common ground where your backgrounds won’t matter. A common ground is a powerful backdrop that defines the success of most relationships.
Beyond politics, religion, social norms, creed, and ethos, there are other things you both should have in common. It could be the same color, favorite TV series, food, number of kids you plan to have, or baseball club. When you find a common ground, anchor on it and make it grow stronger.
Compromise
Beyond common grounds and effective communication, loving can be pretty hard because you’ll have to compromise one way or the other. You would have to accept your partner with his flaws and vice versa. In a compromise, you both show that you value the one thing you share – love, more than anything else. This leads to mutual respect, which is one of the chief cornerstones of a healthy relationship.
If you decide to spend the entire day of a public holiday at your home with your boyfriend just because he’s conservative, he may be willing to attend that party with you, even if it’s to make an appearance because you’ve sacrificed for him. Who says love can’t bend conservatives a little?
On Navigating Political Discussions
Ideally, you both should avoid political discussions because the potential for a heated argument is high. No politics is worth destroying your relationship. You both see things from a different pair of lens, and agreement could be expensive, impossible even. If you must discuss politics, discuss issue-based politics and not on political affiliations.
Also, you should respect each other’s opinions and try to reason together If you must discuss politics. Do not attack your partner’s opinion or out rightly declare him wrong or senseless.
You could say something like this:
“Okay, I understand your point and why you completely feel this way about this, but here is where I stand and this is how I see it”
It is better than:
“No! You’re completely wrong, how can you even think this way? That’s not the truth. You’re just being delusional. Where are your morals?”
Now that’s more of an attack than a discussion and certainly won’t end well.
Furthermore, discussions that involve you standing behind party lines are a recipe for disaster. Rather than discuss the ills of one’s political party, focus on the challenges that affect everyone beyond political inclinations.
When a government is severing international ties with other nations across the world through forceful diplomatic interventions in their internal politics, it will affect everyone. There will be travel restrictions and even the government will bear the brunt.
These are healthier alternatives to fighting on the ring across party lines. Granted, it can be pretty tempting to always talk about and defend your party, but again, if you value your relationship, you can overcome these temptations. Also, you can always argue with tons of party faithfuls other than your partner.
Balancing Autonomy and Togetherness
Identity is everything. It is who you are, what you are known for, your goals, personal brand, and lifestyle. These are all part of what makes you unique, and to lose them in a relationship might not be in your best interest.
This is why you need autonomy in a relationship to be the best version of you. You need some level of independence to achieve your dreams and sustain the legacy you may have been building before the relationship happened.
However, you also need your partner’s warmth, love, intimacy, and companionship, which could be hard to balance both. Since you need both autonomy and dependence, here’s how to get past this bridge.
Communicate: You can’t possibly communicate enough in a relationship. Always bare your mind in a polite way. If you need some space and you feel your partner is leaving you breathless, spill it out and you could be surprised at how understanding your partner can be.
Communication can lead to a better understanding of how you both see and spend time, even when you prefer to be alone or mingle.
Trust: Trusting your partner ensures you don’t have a switch to stress mode when they are alone because you’re thinking they could be cheating. Always trust your partner, that’s what love is all about.
Respect Boundaries: Respect in a relationship can come in different ways, and boundaries is one of them. Know your limits in a relationship and don’t over step your bounds. You could say you both are as good as an item and there should be no privacy. Regardless, we all have a right to some privacy and it should be respected.
On Celebrating Your Differences
As earlier mentioned, diversity is beautiful and should be a critical factor in enjoying a relationship, not leading to its closure.
Embrace your differences and uniqueness. Your weakness could be your partner’s strength and vice versa. There are times when you could really use the conservative nature of your partner.
Imagine that you and your partner are supporting the same basketball, baseball, or football team. When your favorite team loses, you’re both sad.
But imagine that your partner is indifferent about any of the sports teams and has no reason to be sad, he can be in a better position to cheer you up. At least one party isn’t gloomy. So, diversity is not a defect but can be a tool for a vibrant relationship.
In Summary
Having a conservative boyfriend might be challenging because they can be extreme with their beliefs. But these beliefs didn’t stop them from falling in love and love is one of the most powerful feelings in the universe. With love, empathy, communication, respect for each other’s boundaries and opinions, a listening ear, and even more communication, a conservative boyfriend can be the best thing to ever happen to you.
