Jim had always been a fighter in everyway. He battled Cancer and won. We were just 6 months into our relationship when we got the news; cancer was in one of his legs. I cried for days but Jim was stronger, he decided he was going to fight Cancer and win.
He had surgery and started treatment; Chemotherapy, radiation and everything else. During this time he took a bit of Marijuana to help control the pain and nausea that came with the treatment.
After one year of treatment, we went for a scan and he was declared a survivor. It was a great time for us. Our love got stronger and we couldn’t do without each other. I thought Jim was going to stop smoking pot after the cancer left but he did not. I didn’t talk at first seeing all he had to pass through.
After two years, we had a heart to heart talk. I told him how I hated the smell of pot and how he has grown dependent. He didn’t want to hear me out at first but I was patient and made him understand how much I loved him and how quitting pot will make our bond stronger. He took steps to stop, it was slow and painful but together we worked it out. Today we are married and Jim doesn’t smoke pot, like I said my husband is a fighter.
Communication and understanding is the bedrock of any relationship. Just like Jim and I communicated and were able to come up with a solution, I believe you and your Pothead boyfriend will be able to get a lot done with open and non-judgmental communication. The truth is anyone who smokes pot is able to smell judgment from a mile away and certainly won’t be taking advice from the person judging them. I wouldn’t either.
Understanding Marijuana Use.
Different people use Marijuana for different reasons, different strokes for different people. Some use Marijuana for medical use. People with severe pain, severe nausea and vomiting use pot to control these issues.
Marijuana has components in it that helps to reduce pain, nausea and vomiting. It also helps to increase a person’s appetite especially for those who have ailments like Hiv/Aids that make people lose their appetite and weight.
Others may smoke pot to forget their worries, one of the side effects of smoking pot is temporary loss of memory. A few others smoke it because it makes them fearless and gives them courage.
A person becomes dependent on Marijuana when he or she starts to have a craving for it, becomes irritable and depressed when there is no access to it. There may also be an increase or decrease in anxiety levels.
Although many people experience euphoria and relaxation when they smoke pot, others may experience an increase in appetite, a wrong perception of time and may find themselves laughing too much. Taking large dosage causes panic, distrust, delusions and hallucinations.
Also Read: Why does my Man take his Phone Everywhere?
Communicating with your boyfriend.
Like I said earlier, communication should be the bedrock of any and every relationship. Open and non-judgmental communication helps you to build trust in each other. It also helps each party to open up when they know the other party isn’t going to judge.
Communication should include listening actively, being understanding and having the right body language. Yes, body language! Our body language says what we don’t want to say. You must ensure that you have the right body language and heart when you are communicating with your lover.
If you truly love your partner, you would not want to abuse his trust or cause him pain with your actions. You need to understand your partner. Why does he smoke pot? When did he start? How much does he smoke? Does it affect his responsibility? How is his health? Is he dependent? How can you help him?
Knowing the answers to these questions will help you to know how to help him and communicating is the only way you can find these answers. There is no need to be cranky and lose patience when talking to your Pothead boyfriend, it wouldn’t solve anything.
Be patient, non-judgmental, and understanding. Put yourself in his shoes. Don’t push him too hard. Ensure he knows that you love him and you are here to support him. Try not to compare him to anyone, nobody likes that. Listen actively to him, then express your feelings about his Marijuana use without talking down on him and with no judgment in your voice. Let him see and hear your love for him as you speak.
Setting Boundaries.
Lot of people think boundaries are a bad thing. The truth is that it is not. Boundaries are important to have in any relationship. It helps you to maintain your identity and both your physical and mental health.
Boundaries can be set by both of you concerning Marijuana use. You can also compromise on the issue. Your boyfriend may like to smoke pot at every opportunity he gets but you both can agree on a compromise that he should reduce the joint he smokes from five to three.
You could both agree that he shouldn’t smoke in the house but he can smoke on the Patio or balcony. You can make and agree on compromises that will help both of you achieve your goals.
Your goals may be reducing the number of joints he smokes or quitting the habit totally. This will determine the kind of compromise you make and agree on.
It is very important that you respect each other’s values and comfort level. Doing this will help foster strong bonds between you, respect each other better and build trust. Your relationship can turn sour just because one of you disrespect the other’s value.
Knowing that Jim hates discussing his dependency issue in front of his parents and me waiting till they leave before mentioning anything about it is a good way to show that I respect his comfort level. It would be plain wickedness to speak about it in his parents’ presence. It might destroy our relationship. We don’t want that, do we?
Seeking Support.
One of the ways you can help your boyfriend is to seek guidance or support from a relationship counselor or therapist. Now you don’t want to spring this on him without discussing it first.
You may share with him the importance of taking this step together and decide together which counselor or therapist you want to work with. Including him will let him know you are not forcing him but you are there to support.
One benefit of couple counseling when it comes to this issue is that you can speak about different issues and challenges you face and the therapist or counselor can guide you on the right thing to do. Your counselor may also suggest to you methods to try that can help you overcome this issue. It would also help you talk things out with each other.
When Jim was suffering from his dependency on pot, one of the things we did was to go to a counselor and it helped us a lot. We got to know each more because we communicated more, we had guidance from an expert on how best to achieve our goals. The counselor also ensured none of us lost ourselves in the process. Jim overcame his dependency and we got significantly closer, I mean he asked me to marry him after everything was over.
Personal Well-being.
You don’t want to lose yourself in this process. Reflect; journaling and taking a walk helps you to reflect better. Reflecting on the situation, what are you doing well? What are you not doing well? Take good care of yourself; eat well, drink water and rest.
Avoid overthinking, it will only cause health issues for you. As much as you care for your partner, don’t forget yourself. Taking good care of yourself ensures that you have a sound mind and you will be able to think strategically. Take time to reach out to your friends and family. They can be a support system for you if you let them.
Spend time to reflect on your personal values and prior. Spending all of your time with your boyfriend may make you bitter, especially when you are not yet seeing results. Spending time doing the things you love and pursuing your personal goal will help take your mind off your boyfriend dependency issues.
Bad communication has destroyed many relationships, ensuring that you spend quality time with your partner communicating in an open and non-judgmental way. Seek the help of a counselor or therapist to help you achieve your goals as a couple with pot dependency issues. Love yourself, reflect, journal and live life to the fullest. Do not let your issues distract you guys from making the most from what you have.
