Why does my boyfriend constantly feel the need to seek the attention of other women?

Your boyfriend used to spend a lot of time in the moment with you, but nowadays, he tends to be on his phone a lot talking to other women. So, you’re wondering what changed? Why does your boyfriend seek attention from other women? 

There are a couple of reasons your boyfriend is seeking the attention of other females. Usually, it may have to do with ego, self-esteem or habits. But in this article, we will cover some of the possible reasons and how you can handle such behaviour if that’s the case in your relationship.

The Psychology Behind Seeking Attention From Other Females.

Seeking attention from other people is a part of human psychology. As humans, we tend to seek attention from other humans, especially from those we like or find sexually attractive. However, seeking attention when one is already in a relationship can be because of low self-esteem, loneliness, or certain personality disorders such as narcissism.

Craving the spotlight can be a result of seeking validation too. Validation is part of being human as we all want to feel loved, accepted and appreciated. Research says that receiving compliments from someone — especially someone we are attracted to sexually — will light up our brains in the right places. So, if your boyfriend craves for validation, he will always seek more of it.

For example, one may live in a house or work in a place filled with people. Imagine what it’s like to have no one who appreciates or accepts you in that house or workplace. This means you feel like an outsider and want to leave as soon as you have the chance. This is the normal form of human behavior. Some people, on the other hand, want more than feeling accepted or loved. They want to get such attention and appreciation and much more, as many times as they can get it in a day. It’s like asking the camera to be on them alone during the shooting of a movie, which is hard or impossible.

So, try to understand your boyfriend’s personality. Do you show him affection and attention or not? Or, are they always seeking more attention outside the relationship even after you have been the partner showing them love, care, and appreciation? Seeking excessive attention is unhealthy.

You can help by being the source of validation for him. If you are the type that holds back compliments, it is advisable to stop holding back and give compliments when necessary. Otherwise, depending on his personality, your boyfriend will likely seek more of those outside the relationship.

Communication Breakdown

Communication is an important part of every relationship. The communication has to be open and honest. When we share ideas with someone, and it gets reciprocated, we get connected and feel heard. We get to trust, love, respect, and understand them better through talking and sharing our deepest feelings and ideas. So, the common saying ‘communication is key to a successful relationship’ is true, especially in sexual relationships. Think about it. How successful will a relationship be if there is no communication? How can a relationship be sustained if there is no trust, understanding, or respect?

Lack of communication will not only strain your relationship with your boyfriend but also make you or the boyfriend seek other sources of attention, that is, other people.

So, what are the reasons why some relationships lack communication?

• A relationship will suffer when the effort put into communication is one-sided. A study says effective communication is an important factor in satisfying relationships. However, if someone is communicating but the other person isn’t, the individual initiating the conversation all the time will feel unsatisfied. Remember, communication is like a game of chess played by two people. You both have to actively participate.
• Conflicts can also lead to a lack of communication. If you realize that an issue has not been fully resolved between you and your partner, it is important to discuss and find a common solution. Conflicts that persist can lead to distancing oneself and checking out of a relationship both mentally and physically.
• Zero emotional connection. Sometimes, we are so attracted to people physically that we tend to neglect the other important type of attraction: emotional connection. This is where there is an overlap between your and your boyfriend’s emotional needs. For example, if you like to communicate a lot but your partner doesn’t, the other person might consider your desire to talk a burden and, therefore, stop or avoid communicating.

Generally, any of these reasons above can lead to seeking attention outside the relationship. The participants will likely find other alternatives once a relationship isn’t enjoyable. Therefore, your boyfriend will likely seek attention from other females.

Insecurity and Self-Esteem

Seeking attention can also be a sign of insecurity or low self-esteem. Some people, playboys, for instance, feel happy and excited because of the number of girls giving them attention. It boosts their ego and makes them feel better. So, they tend to find the next source of external validation, no matter their relationship status.

Boundary Setting

Setting boundaries is important in every relationship. It sets the tone of the relationship, what’s acceptable and what’s not. So, it is important to tell your boyfriend that seeking attention (and entertaining attention) from other people consistently is a big turn-off. When you set boundaries, and the other person respects them, this shows how much they value you in the relationship.

So, how do you set this boundary?

• Communicate maturely.
• Tell them the things you don’t want in the relationship. (Remember to do this maturely.)
• When they do things you don’t want, call their attention to it with kindness.

Rebuilding Trust and Strengthening the Relationship

If your boyfriend has been seeking attention, it might be difficult to trust them again even after they promise to change. However, you can still work on strengthening the relationship again through some activities such as:

• Start by communicating that you want to trust them again and rebuild the relationship. Then, watch their commitment to the process of strengthening things with you.
• Give it time. Trust isn’t built in a day, and your relationship won’t grow stronger overnight. It will happen through work, time, and the contribution of both parties.
• Revisit your boundaries and share them with your partner. They should be ready to respect them again. Be kind as you both work on things again.
• Do not punish them again and again for the things they have done. Rebuilding a relationship starts with forgiveness and accepting that the past cannot be undone.

Conclusion

To recap, it can be annoying when your boyfriend seeks attention from other females, but a few activities can change things if they love you and are ready to work on a solution. Firstly, try to understand why they do it. Some reasons include low self-esteem, lack of communication, or insecurity.

Reflect on the causes of the habit and take proactive steps on your side to address the issue positively. You can communicate with them and listen to their explanations. After communicating, set boundaries and plan how you both will rebuild the relationship.